dear post readers, i have recently been asked to advise a very dear friend of mine on how to make a very difficult, life-threatening, self-esteem crashing decision. She asked me which should she try, skiing or snowbording? my immediate reaction of course was "NO" because i have had many a traumatic experience with the subject. but after much deliberation i decided to tell her what i really think, because she has no voice in the decision and is being forced to miss danielle's birthday party to go. so here it is:
my dearest mag, you know that i disapprove of any snow sport that is not sledding. therefore i do hesitate to give you advice on which horror filled sport to choose. but, because i am a great friend filled with infinite wisdom, i will advise you to try snowboarding.
from my past three horrible tear-filled snowboard/ski experiences i have learned the following:
1. i have absolutly no coordination, and because you are very much like myself i am afraid you will suffer from my same fate.
2. it is harder to get back up after falling when wearing ski's, because you have two big long things, instead of one short fat one. but, they both have their disadvantages, because while both feet are attached to the fat board it is hard to stand up after falling. (if you have absolutly no upper body stregnth, as do i, then getting up will be difficult, so maybe you could do some crunches before you go, but that might make you sore, so maybe not)
3.bring sunscreen, for real. oh, and chapstick, also for real.
4.ski lifts are probably the scariest thing in the westeren hemisphere. they don't stop. and if the people controlling them stop it for you, you will feel like an idiot. also, the scariest thing in the industrialized world.
5.about feeling like an idiot, there will be hot guys, because you know, hot guys do sporty stuff like snowboard. you might think, "oh, maybe i should act cool. and go on the really hard slopes with them to show off my undiscovered talent." NO, not a good idea. if anything, just go down the bunny slope for the first time, hope that there might be hot guys. ( no, sorry, there will only be old austrian skiing instructor guys teaching rich people) if your lucky there will be one with his little sister, and he might help you get up (because yes you will be on the ground) also, sorry, shaun white, though a local resident of san diego is not likely to be present on the bunny slopes of big bear. (or where ever you go) he has more important things to be doing, like winning gold medals, or competing in the upcoming winter x-games, which again are not on big bear bunny slopes, but in aspen colorado.
6. if you have properly mastered staying upright while skiing, you might find yourself thinking,in the words likely of amber "whoah i am going, like, way to fast, like, i don't know how to stop! i'm gonna like crash into the old austrian dude!" all you have to do to slow down on ski's is to turn your toes together, making a "pizza" shape. and while snowboarding i believe you turn the board horizontal (but i am not sure of that one).
7. turns out i am a goofy footed person, yeah that means weird. you will find out what you are after waiting in a long line to rent your snowboard/boots.
so there you have it my 7 skiing tips/warnings/lessons/things i've learned.
i thought that maybe any of you other first timers out there might be in need of some assistance as well, but i am probably wrong, you probably know more than i do.
i would also like to conclude by saying that we are from southeren california and most of us do not have experience in this field, for we are constantly sheltered in our 65 degree partially cloudy weather, and do not wish to wander off into danger. (but of course knowing my family, they will drag us off to montana for a skiing trip, yes, everyone enjoyed it but me)
also warning that the above was probably very biased and i am sure that there are people out there who enjoy falling down icy hills while straped to a board, or of course, multiple boards, with sticks, that absolutly do not help.